I too have a Voice

Its 8:30 am in the morning,my alarm snoozed for the 5th time,reminding me that the love affair between me and my bed should come to a halt.Finally after repeated ignorance i got up.As i started to get ready for my office,I looked at my phone and saw that it had got 2 missed calls from an unknown number.In curiosity i called back.The person at the other end asked me who i was,and i started "This is Aaarunanaabhaa…...".Welcome to my world of Stammering.

                                Stammering is described in Wikipedia as "Stammering is a speech disorder in which the flow of speech is disrupted by involuntary repetitions and prolongations of sounds, syllables, words or phrases, and involuntary silent pauses or blocks in which the stammerer is unable to produce sounds".In easy words,its a disorder where a person have to fight day in and day out to accomplish the most basic feature of being an human i.e. to communicate.And i am fighting it for the past 18 yrs.

                              Stammerers are one of those unfortunate human being who are being laughed at,specially during their school days by the fellow kids,because it looks funny to them,and you cant blame them actually,because they are too innocent to understand the plight.So the childhood of someone suffering from Stammering is really tough,because everyday you wake up and prepare for school,you think that at least today the teacher shouldn't ask me questions;today i shouldn't be asked to recite a poem;i wont participate in the upcoming intra-school extempore speech contest.Naturally as he grows up,the kid becomes shy,not because he don't like to communicate,but rather because of the fear of embarrassment.Sometime to move from one part of a sentence to another,it seems to be an unending road.To give attendance,i used to start much before my actual roll number used to come.So you can understand the plight.You are stuck,nerves get stressed,heart palpitates,and you are aware of the people in front of you.You fall in a complete mess.To make things worse,most of the time in our movies,a Stammerer is portrayed as someone who is entitled to be laughed at.

                        I have lived the first quarter of my life now.I am 26.And i have overcome my stammering to a great extent.I have to say that i have been immensely lucky to have a very supportive Family,and some wonderful Friends,who never laughed at me and rather motivated me.But when you become an adult and step into the real world,you wont find your family and friends everywhere.Even today on few occasions i am still being laughed at and at times people doubt my ability due to my disorder.Let me tell you one small incident which happened few years back.

                        During my B-tech days,i got placed in a small organization.After the college was over,they gave us corporate training,before finally shutting themselves down due to recession.After remaining jobless for the next 6 months,i moved to Hyderabad in search of a job.The first interview i attended was really demotivating.The interviewer asked me on what basis i was being recruited in my previous organization.According to her my Stammering was too bad to negotiate.Her words tore apart my heart.As a young boy,when you move into a new city with dreams and aspirations,and you are being made to realize that your disorder will come into your way of fulfilling your dreams,it seems like the end of the world.But rather it was just the beginning.Things didn't worked out in the next 25 interviews.But one thing that heavily worked for me was my never ending optimism.I was born with gallons of optimism stuffed inside me.And finally one day someone thought that i am capable enough to serve for his organisation.It was a great moment of joy and victory.

                        In-spite of failing repeatedly in my life,i didn't consider myself a failure at any point of time.The only time you become a failure is the moment you start doubting your own abilities.The world can have varied opinion about you,but its you who knows what lies within yourself.And trust me you have more capabilities than you can even imagine.And i can prove that.Let me bring an excerpt from a conversation between two person which i found very inspiring.

Man1:How many push ups you can do right at this moment?

Man2: 20

Man1:Are you sure this is the maximum you can do now?

Man2:Yes.I can do only 20.

Man1: OK fine.Now if i say that i will give you Rs.10,000 if you can do it for 25 times.Will be able to accomplish it?

Man2:(After thinking for sometime)Yes i will be able to do it.

Man1:That is the point.Just 2 minutes back when i asked,you said you cannot go beyond 20.But after the next 120 seconds you raised your level to 25.What happened in this 120 seconds?Nothing drastic,except that this time you had the motivation of Rs.10,000 behind you.Actually you were more capable than you thought yourself to be,but you were just too afraid to put that extra effort as you lacked motivation,and as a result making yourself believe that you have the capacity of only 20 pushups.

                               The above example proves how we ignore the forces that lies within us to accomplish what we want.There is Heroism in everyone of us.We just need to bring out that Hero and shape our life as how we dreamt of.
                               There is a wonderful scene in a movie where the Hero says.."Hamare Filmo ki tarah hamari zindagi mein bhi end mein saab thik ho jata hain.Happys Endings.Aur agar thik na ho,toh Picture abhi baki hain mere dost(Like in Movies,in real life too everything gets settled at the End,Happy Ending.And if it doesn't,than the Picture is yet to End my Friend)".So make sure that when the picture of your life ends,you can proudly walkout as the Hero of it.

                               Presently i am working in an organization where i love going to office each day,because i am doing what i love doing.I am working on a platform,i always wished to work on.So never compromise with your goals.Let the world doubt you, because its you who can one day turn your doubters into believers with your abilities.So keep the spirits high and never stop trying,because the one who tries passionately can never fail.

Once Upon A Time In Twitter

Sometime thinks happen by luck,and sometime by effort.But i dont know which played the major role when i met @koenamitra on Twitter.Its almost 75 days now that i started following her and trust me,thats the best thing i did on Twitter.

Actually there is no dearth of people to follow on Twitter,the challenge however lies in finding the person you want to admire.Koena Mitra is surely one of them.I have been her fan since the early days of her career.But i was really sad to see how our media gave her negavtive publicity most of time.Be it her Cosmetic Correction,or more recently she grabbing two Hollywood movies,people has always tried to pull her down.

Let me first come to the Cosmetic Correction which has become an Epic Saga now.Everytime she comes into limelight,people start digging the old rotten news of her Cosmetic Correction. In spite of the fact that she herself admitted of doing it due to her swelling problem.Here I just want to ask 3 Questions to all those who have problem with her Cosmetic Correction.

Q1:Did Koena Mitra borrowed money from you & didn't returned back, to do her Cosmetic Correction?

Q2:Are you a family member of Koena Mitra?

Q3:Is she asking you to do the same?

If all your answers are "Yes" than you have every right to raise an eyebrow over it.But if your answers are "No" than kindly put an END to it right here right now.

Now let me come to her two Offshore projects in Hollywood.Few months back when the news of her Hollywood assigments popped up,people started asking about her credibility.Some said that she must have a God Father over there,and some were sure that she must have done somethng "ELSE" to grab those projects.If all of you are smart enough to figure out what she did,than instead of cribbing,why dont u try the same formula and grab one,huhhh.

Let me tell you one interesting thing now.Recently i developed a Blackberry application dedicated to Koena Mitra,and i guess she is the first Bollywood Actress/Model to have a personalized mobile app.The best thing was that,during the app development phase i got to know the real Koena Mitra much better.Firstly,she is brutally honest & never fakes out.Diplomatic people kindly stay away from her.Secondly,she is very sober and humble.And most importantly she is respectful towards others.I am just another big fan of her,but she gave me all the due respect and love that i desire and deserve.Thats what i call a true Professional,and that Professionalism is what has helped her to grab two big projects in Hollywood.Because human traits are Global,and good traits attracts good things.She truly defines the saying "To be good at anything,you have to a good human being first".One thing is rest assured,Koena Mitra's lovers will always outnumber her haters.

Finally to all the people who have showed Love and Respect towards Koena Mitra,take a tight hug from me.And for the Haters,i simply Salute u,and Salute by raising my middle finger up :)

Dated: Forever

The Second Chance (Won the "Best Original Story Award" judged by Madhuri Banerjee)

They say do not expect too much from life. Do not have hope beyond limits. They again say not to have unrealistic dreams. They ask us to be practical in life. According to them emotion always hurts. Yes they are all right. And that’s why they are called Tom,Dick and Harry & not Mahatma Gandhi, neither Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar,and nor a Kalpana Chawla.But this story is of none of them, but of an ordinary guy like me with some extra-ordinary hopes.

11^th March 2011: I was not feeling well.So decided to take a leave from office and work from home. As I was about to disconnect my internet connection, my Gmail account received a new e-mail, and probably the most significant of my life. I clicked on it and it read “Sanjana confirmed you as a friend on Facebook.” Within seconds I could realize my fever going down. My heart started to beat so fast, as if it was determined to give Ushian Bolt a run for his money. I realized that my lips were getting stretched in utter happiness. The boy with extra-ordinary hopes could see his Hope smiling back at him with thumbs up. Now you must be thinking what was so special about that email.For that I have to take you back to the summer of 2001.

May 2001: It was the half-yearly exam of Class X, and as usual different unavoidable circumstances like Cricket, Sleep, Tuition bunking and TV didn’t allowed me to prepare well.So, I was again all dependent on Heavenly bodies. I reached School bribing God to save me for one last time, and promised Him that I will study well from the next. But I think that day God was too busy in His own world, and accidently he gifted me with something else. I went inside the classroom and found my seat. It was on the third bench and my seat was on the right side corner. Someone from Class 8 was supposed to sit on the left. As the start time of the exam drew closer, I started praying more. The prayers included various demands ranging from easy question paper to the ability to cheat during the exam. Just a minute before the exam I heard a female voice asking “May I come in Sir?”I looked at her and kept looking. She was short. Wore a golden oval shaped spectacle.Her hair was not too long. She was a bit healthy. But apart from all that, her face reflected the honesty of her heart. She was in one word Beautiful. She came inside and luckily sat beside me. I thought that today the omens look good, so maybe I will excel in my exam too. But when you don’t study hard, even good omens can’t save you. The next three hours was full of struggle. Struggled to figure out what the question demanded. Struggled to remember the answers. Struggled to even cheat from front and back. It was all about struggle for passing the exam. But that didn’t spoil my excitement. After the exam, when she left, I went to the left corner of the bench to see her name. It was written

Name: Sanjana Dutta

Roll No: 24

Class: VIII

The next few days were really happening. It was all about fewer studies, more romantic songs, and more and more dreaming. There was a bit of tension for the exam. But when you are in love for the first time in your life, there is nothing which can daunt your spirit. I was happy and it got reflected in my face. In the meantime, one day after the exam I followed her, and saw that she comes to school in a white Maruti Omni Van.I noted down the number, it was 4457.And that number hasn’t got erased from my mind after long 11 years. But nothing is permanent in life except change. Soon our exams got over, and we were going into a one monthholiday for our summer vacations. This meant, I won’t be able to see my Angel for long 30 days. I was sad.

July 2001: Our School re-opened in July. I was very excited. After a month I was again going to see Sanjana. In my long 12 years of Schooling, I never felt such an enthusiasm for going to School. Luck was on my side and I saw her in the School the very first day. Her section was VIII-A. From that day till October, my day at School used to start with me standing at the entrance and waiting for her to enter the gate. Then during Recess, she used to come down to the ground floor where my Class was and used to play with her friends. I used to look at her from some corner of the School. And finally my School used to end with me standing back at the entrance and waiting for her to leave the gate. I was basically a very shy boy at that time. Didn’t have the guts to speak to her. But nothing could stop me to come to School in those days. Even heavy showers and water logging didn’t pose any hurdle for me. I was the most regular boy of my class. In the meantime, I came to know about her tuition from one of my friend. Since then I was found more in front of her tuition than my own. But the shy boy never got the courage to speak to his love. I can tell you one thing; the amount of joy that I used to get when I saw her was immense. It used to make me the happiest boy on this Earth. But things were never meant to remain the same.

October 2001: The last month of my Schooling had begun. It was declared that 22^nd October will be the last Schooling day for Class X.This meant that from now on, I won’t be able to see Sanjana more often. I also have to stop dreaming where we used to feature together. In short I have to forget my Angel, provided if I can break my shyness and express my feelings to her. There was almost 20 days left in hand to win my love. I asked one of my friend, who was the friend of one of Sanjana’s friend, to convey my feelings to her. She agreed to help me. Next day during recess my friend told me to forget about Sanjana. She told me that Sanjana is committed to a guy who was her classmate. I was heart-broken. I could see all of my dreams getting shattered in front of my eyes. I went to the toilet and cried a lot. When you are a kid, and you cry, every drop of tear speaks for the purity of your soul. I was extremely sad.

For the next few days whenever I used to see her, a strange feeling occupied my mind and heart. The mind used to say “Stupid, don’t look at her anymore. She loves someone else. And you are good enough to find someone better for you.”But the very next moment, my heart used to whisper silently “Go anywhere from Rome to Italy, you can’t find someone better than her for you”. And everyday my mind used to accept defeat at the hands of my heart. But in spite of the rejection I didn’t lost hope. May be the ability to not to give up lies in my soul.

15^th May 2001: This was the D-Day for me. I decided that I will propose her of my own, inspite of knowing the fact that I stand no chance. My friends suggested me not to waste time on her, because it’s impossible that she will accept to my proposal. But I always believed that Impossible is not a fact. It’s just an opinion, and as we all know opinions can always be wrong.So, I decided to go for it. That day after our School got over, I followed her till she was about to board her car. I called her for the first time. She turned around. I told her that “I love you“. And she as if was sitting in an exam hall, and was asked to convert an assertive sentence to a negative sentence replied back “I don’t love you”. I kept standing there for sometime like a looser as I saw her car pass by. I realized that I have failed after multiple attempts, and felt something wet on my right cheek. It was my tear.

My School ended on 22^nd October and with it the chance to see her ended too. But one thing didn’t ended and that was my hope. Honestly after being rejected by her, I was very sad. But deep inside I started to realize slowly that at no point I had any chance. Firstly because she was already committed to someone. And secondly, I didn’t give her any chance to know me. I simply proposed her without being her friend.

Years went by and with that the glimpse of her got reduced. Now it was more on occasions, especially during Durga Puja.But sometime when I could spot her car in the middle of the road, I used to follow it in my bicycle, just in the hope that Sanjana might be inside. Sometimes I used to be lucky, and sometime I had to get disappointed.

July 2004: The monsoon of 2004 brought new excitement as well as sadness. I got selected in an Engineering college in WestBengal, which meant I could live in hostel, and that means freedom for fun. But at the same time it reminded me that I have to leave my family and hometown, which meant I could not see Sanjana anymore. With these mixed feelings I joined my new college. I thought maybe I can forget her now. Out of sight will eventually lead to out of mind. Life will move on from here.

2005-2006 saw the rise of Orkut.Everyone was getting bitten by this bug. And as expected it didn’t spared me at all.Feb 2006, I made my first Gmail as well as Orkut account. And in spite of trying hard, I ended up putting the same password for both the accounts. It was Sanjana again. To be honest, in my college there were many beautiful girls, probably much more beautiful than Sanjana. And with some of them I was really very close. But never ever I could develop any feelings for them apart from being friends. I could not get out of the Sanjana Phenomena. I was stuck there. And maybe this is what true love does to you.

October 2006: I came home for my Durga Puja Holidays. I went to Ramakrishna Mission, expecting that Sanjana may come there, as she usually did the other years. And this time I got lucky too. She wore a pink salwar, with a bindi on the forehead. She looked superb. The dormant love inside my heart again got active. I thought I should speak to her this time. But something stopped me from doing that. May be my poor guts. And it again boiled down only to stares. I was happy from inside to see her after a long time. But hardly had I known that this will be my last time when I could see her. Five years had passed since then, but I never saw her again.

They say “Time and Tide waits for none”. Many years have passed since 2006, and I have encountered a lot of change in my life. I think change is inevitable. But a portion of my heart was reluctant to accept any change. It was the same portion of my heart, which have been beating for Sanjana for a decade.

March 2011: I decided to search for Sanjana again. This time my platform became Facebook. After scanning of some relevant profiles, I finally found her and send her a friend request. I wasn’t sure whether she will accept my request or not. But one advantage of being an optimist is that, you never give up in life.

11^th March 2011, is the exact date when she accepted my friend request on Facebook. We had some friendly chat after that. In the last 10 years, this was the first time I was having any real conversation with her. Because the last time I talked to her was in 2001, when I proposed her, and she simply rejected me. So you cannot call it a conversation. Our chat went along well. She could not recognize me initially. Once I thought of hiding my identity. But somewhere I heard “Never lie and Never hide anything from the person you love the most”. So I told her honestly who I was and when I proposed her. All the things of the past. But she told that actually she wasn’t able to remember anything of those days, and told me it was totally fine. The next thing I did was, I looked into her Facebook Relationship Status and it was written Single. I thought I have got a second chance in life and I have to make the most of it now. I was super excited.

Next 23 days were the most exciting for me. I felt the same excitement of 2001.I had become a kid again. Started to dream and dream romantic. We used to have chat but as she was not frequent on Facebook,so most of our conversation was through messages. One day I sent her my latest blog link, and asked her to review it. She liked it very much and appreciated my work. It took me to Cloud Number Nine.

But since my young age, I had always been a very impatient guy, and one who can hardly hide his feelings. So after 23 days of conversation, I finally let her know that I still possess the same feelings for her, which I used to have 10 years back. I also told her that I don’t know whether she had any boy-friend now, and even if she had, I have full respect for him. It’s your life, and you will shape it the way you like, but I still love you. That’s how I summed it up. Next day her reply came. She told me that, she is already committed to a guy for the past 5 years and their parents have also agreed to their relation. She said Sorry to me, in case she had hurt my feelings unwillingly. She also suggested that we can remain good friends, and asked me to forget my old feelings for her and start a new beginning. The message tore apart my heart. Second time in my life I found myself on the loosing side. When nothing changes for you after 10 long years and you found yourself standing at the same place from where you started. You get to know that Earth is really round. My eyes got wet, and all the excitement which I had accumulated in the past 23 days started to vanish slowly. But deep inside my heart, I didn’t had any hard feelings for her, and neither did I had any regret. Yes I was sad, but I wasn’t angry. Because I knew very well that it’s not possible for a girl to fall in love within 23 days. I have known her for the past 10 years, but for her I was still someone whom she met just a few days back. And most importantly she was having an affair of 5 years. So I stand no chance. I was putting all the logics to console my broken heart.

But honestly speaking, I really liked her loyalty and dedication towards her soul-mate. In the era of fast food and T20, to have a steady relationship of 5 years, it really speaks volume for the person. My respect for her increased by leaps and bound. Till few days back I thought I love a girl who is really beautiful physically. But now I can proudly say that, at some point of time in my life, my heart beated for a person, who is not only beautiful from outside, but also from inside. And I am really happy for that. She is really a wonderful person.Sober, decent, loyal and humble. What else you want. It’s my bad luck that even after 10 years; life hasn’t changed for me a lot. But as they say “Show must go on, and Life must move on”. For every one of us, life will eventually move on. And one thing I can assure you,that the love and respect which I had bore in my heart for the past 10 years for her, it won’t die away. The day I breathe last, I will continue to have high regards for her. She actually deserves it. In love everyone wants to be on the winning side. But there are a few rare occasions when in spite of loosing, you remain happy and in fact feel proud of yourself. And I am very lucky to experience that. I know it’s strange, but that’s the magic of love. It helps to bring the best out of a human being.

Meanwhile we have become friends now. But it’s long way to go before I can call myself as one of her close friend. To be honest,now I have a sense of accomplishment. Ten years back when I proposed her, she didn’t knew me at all. I was just another guy for her, soon to be vanished in the dark. But now at least after 10 years, she got to know me a bit, and my feelings for her. I am no longer a stranger to her. May be very little but I have some existence in her life. And every time I will think of her in the future, this sense of accomplishment will be enough to bring back the smile on my faceJ.

The Black Curry

Last week had been an eventful one for me.It began with a job offer from one organisation.Then in the mid of the week,I helped India win over the Aussies,thanx to my sacrifice of not lifting any phone calls during the match.Then on Friday again got a job offer.So it was a double bonanza.But finally it ended with the suicide attempt of one of my friend Radhika.Yes you read it right "Suicide".Radhika Subramaniam Reddy,an IIM graduate,working in one the top MNC of this country.Have a good supportive family,one little sister,and not to forget her steady boyfriend Bruno,a big white Labrador.In short Radhika had everythng to live for.You must be thinking, then why did she took such a daring step?I too got shocked when i first heard the news.

It was a lazy Saturday early morning.After the yesterday night's beer party,we were expecting to have our morning start from 12 in the noon.All the three of us were in deep slumber.I was having a romantic dream too.But just when the love making scene was about to start,a phone call spoiled it all.I woke up and saw Mohit calling.It was 7 in the morning.I once thought of disconnecting the call,but good sense prevailed and i picked it up.

Mohit: Arun there is a bad news.

Me: What?You made your cat Pregnant?

Mohit: No. Radhika attempted suicide yesterday night.

For the next 10 seconds i was numb.I got goose bumps.I refused to believe my ears.But could not and asked him again.

Me: What are you saying?When did it happen?

Mohit: Last night around 2am.She took overdose of sleeping pills.

Me: But why?And how is she now?

Mohit: She is not stable.Had been admitted to the Apollo Hospital,Jubilee Hills Road.

Me: Who told this?

Mohit: Her sister.I am going there.You people also come at the earliest.

The hang-over of last night disappeared in the next nano seconds.The first thing i did was to wake up the other two duffers Amit and Rahul and told them what had happened.All the trance of last night disappeared.We decided not to waste any more time and start for the hospital at the earliest.After we got fresh,three of us started for the hospital in Amit's bike.

During the whole ride i was trying to figure out why an educated,decent and lovely girl like Radhika dared to take such a step.The first thought that came to my mind was that may be she was having a secret affair,and her boyfriend might have dumped her.Or even she might have lost her virginity,which came to the limelight of her parents.Moments later another thought crossed my mind.Radhika's parents might have selected a groom for her,whom she didn't wanted to marry.But as she could not rebel against her parents,so to escape this,she thought of taking her life.But in between all these weired thoughts ruling my mind,deep inside my heart i was praying that Radhika should survive.She can't leave us so soon.This earth needs her.In fact we need her.With all these going on inside me,i realized that we have finally reached the parking lot of the Apollo Hospital.

We inquired about Radhika Reddy at the Reception Counter and she directed us to Room No.102.As we proceed i could see Radhika's mother sitting outside with her sister. Continuous shobbing had made her eyes to swell.She looked rattled.I asked Ramanee,the younger sister of Radhika about the present condition of her sister.She told that doctor had come few minutes back and told them that Radhika is out of danger,but we can only meet her after an hour.I asked Ramanee whether she has got any idea about the reason behind Radhika's act.And she told me that she was clueless.Meanwhile Radhika's father came and asked us whether we had our breakfast,and if not than we should have it first.Me,Amit and Rahul headed towards the canteen and ordered tea and chapatti.We all were very upset.Our faces looked pale.And on everyone's mind there was one question.Why did Radhika attempted suicide?

As we completed our breakfast and headed towards the room no.102,we saw that the doctor was in some conversation with Radhika's father.I went towards him and asked about what the doctor said.Uncle told me that Radhika has regained conscience and she wants to meet us.I was finally relieved.Uncle and Aunty went inside.Doctor advice them not to cry infront of her or give her any stress.After sometime they came out,and i went inside.I saw some Saline bottles were hanging beside her bed,and an oxygen cylinder was kept aside.The lovely,jolly and energetic face of Radhika has turned into something pale,shattered and wretched.I took a chair and sat beside her,She could not look into my eyes.

Me:How are you?

Radhika: I am alive.

Me:If you had so much problem with our beer party,you could have told us.Why take such steps.You spoiled a very romantic dream of mine,even our morning hangover got wasted.Get well soon,i will take compensation of everything from you.

Radhika smiled a bit.

Me:You want to have somethng?Water or Complan?

Radhika:No Arun,don't feel like.

Me:Ok

Radhika asked me to call the nurse to replace the old saline bottle with a new one,as it was about to get over.I did that and took back my seat.Now i thought of asking Radhika the big question.

Me: Radhika you know what,i always considered you as the face of Modern India.Well educated,confident,decent,caring,independent,and not easy to break.

Radhika remained silent

Me:But your stupid act really made me thinking that all these years i had a false notion about you.

Radhika: Arun,life can be at times really cruel to you.

Me: I know that.But if educated people like you take such steps,than what will others do?Do you think its a solution?

Radhika: May be.

Me: Why run away from worries?Simply fight them.You are a real fighter.

Radhika: I am nothing but a black curry.

Me:What?

Radhika: Black Curry.

Me:Now what's that?

Rdhika:That's how someone described me few days back.You know what,sometime i feel that being born as black or dark complexioned has been a real curse on me.

Me:Who fills ur mind with all these filthy bullshit thoughts?

Radhika:Through out my academic career i had been among the top 5 of my batch.I can say that i was far better than many other girls.Still i never ever had any boyfriend.Just because my skin color was black.

Me: Hey don't think like that.

Radhika: Even few months back i heard a conversation of one of my distant relative with my mother.She told my mom that as i was too dark,the possibility of an arrange marriage was less,unless the groom is an unemployed person.It was really painful for my mother.She cried that day.And the cause of her tear was my dark complexion.

Me:These are some exception.They still live in the 16th century.Don't take it as general.World has changed a lot and so do the people.

Radhika: You are talking about change?My younger sister with whom i had some of the best memories of my childhood now blames me for the delay of her marriage.She told me one day that as our parents were not able to find any prospective groom for me,her marriage with her boyfriend is getting delayed.She is an IT graduate.Do you still think the world has changed a lot?

I can see her eyes getting wet.

Me:Hey,please don't cry.You can't take any stress.Cool down.

Radhika:I am okay Arun.

Me: Need some water?

Radhika:No,its fine.

Me:Don't think much into all this crap.You are a wonderful person,and you deserve someone good.And i am sure you will get one soon,who will love you irrespective of your looks.

Radhika: In my dreams i guess.Arun let me tell you one thing.I was having an affair with a guy whom i met through facebook.It went along well for 3 months,mostly through chat and phone calls.The guy seemed to be caring,loving,and honest and was ready to marry me,untill we met one day.Since that day,he deleted me from facebook,and started ignoring my calls.After few days he sent me a text stating that i was too dark, in fact a black curry,and he felt ashamed to take me infront of his family and friends.He told me to stop bothering him.

Me:Bloody asshole.Crap n sick guy.Definitely need medical help.

Radhika: No Arun,may be he is right.Even if you go through the ads in a matrimonial newspaper,you will find that most of the parents want "Fair,beautiful,and educated" bride for their son.Is fairness such an inseparable part of beauty?Can't a dark complexioned be considered beautiful?

Me:I agree with you.May be we are still far behind to be called civilized.

Radhika: Then there are those fairness cream manufacturing companies,who in the process of selling their product, portrays dark complexion as inferior and low,which according to them can be get rid off if we apply their product.

Me:Rightly said.Its all about exploiting someone's weakness for your own profit.Its still a jungle out here.Just that the animals have become well dressed.

Radhika:I don't want to get rid off my color.I am used to it and i just love it.I may be dark from outside but my soul is not dark.I too want to love someone and in return get love.

Me:You will surely get one.

Radhika:I can put all these arguments,and try to ignore the ills of this society.But when i face the abuse and insults in reality,i break down.If being black is such a bad thing,then its better to put this black curry in the waste,and end my life.

Radhika started to cry heavily.I went closer and wiped out her tears and gave her a glass of water to drink.I tried to console her.

Me:You are the most beautiful human being in the true sense whom i have met in my life.Beauty can be achieved,but it takes generation to build a good character.And trust me you have got both.

With these words of consolation i left the room.But deep inside me i asked myself a question.

Are we a bunch of Racist wearing a mask of civilization who differentiate people on the basis of their skin color?Or its just that some section of the society still needs awakening.I got my answer instantly.And i leave it on you to get your own answers.

Imperfectly Perfect

Most of the years my Valentine's Day comes by and goes away like those little naps which i occasionally take at office.I hardly realize the importance of it,because i don't think that to celebrate Love we need any special day,it can be celebrated 365 days a year.What matters in love is the passion and not the position.I may sound to be sarcastic to you all,but thats me.Anyways lets come to the more interesting part of the story.My friend Sohini.Now if some of you have started to fantasize,then let me remind you that she is not like the hot voluptuous babe.Rather she is a pure desi girl,who prefers salwar over mini-skirt,who wears bindi and not tattoo,in short a perfect marriage material.

It was pre valentine's day evening,when she called me up and requested to go with her for shopping.Actually she wanted to buy gift.But the sad part is that it was not for me,but rather for her boyfriend Rohit *sigh*.But an opportunity to spend the evening with her was no less then a gift for me.So,i readily agreed to her proposal.We started from home in an auto rickshaw.I must tell you one thing,the auto driver resembled our very own Shakti Kapoor.With a villainous look,he was giving constant stares at us from his rear-view mirror.I once thought of doing a bit of Salman Khan there,but good sense prevailed and i preferred not to,because that man was many times stronger then me.Finally,i started to ignore his stares,willingly or unwillingly doesn't matter at this point.After a sweet ride for 30 mins,we finally reached GVK Mall Hyderabad.

Let me tell you one thing,the person who made teddy bear,must have studied female psychology thoroughly.For some strange reason,girls have got a great fascination for teddy bears.We went inside Archies Gallery,and the first thing that captured Sohini's attention was a white teddy bear.And then........

Sohini: Hey Arun,its so cute.Can i buy it?

Me: For Rohit?What will he do with this?

Sohini: Stupid,i am asking for myself.

Me:I guess we have come here for buying something for Rohit.

Sohini: Yes of-course we will buy for him,but before that can i buy this one for me please.

Me:If i say NO,will you drop the idea?

Sohini: No way.

Me:Then why the hell are you asking me,simply buy it.

Sohini: Thank you,you are so sweet.

Sometime in life,thanks are simply thrust upon us.But as long as it comes from a beautiful source,it makes you feel happy.Finally,Sohini could fix her variable mind into one constant thing and called me.

Sohini:How is it?Will Rohit like it?

Me:I liked it,don't know whether your Rohit will like it or not.For that you could have brought Rohit here.

Sohini: Why are you so rude.I know you are jealous of him.

Me: Me jealous of that fatso Rohit?You are in your senses?

Sohini: Don't call him fatso.And i know you are jealous *semi-smile*

Me: Why should i be jealous of him?For you?.You are not my type,so don't have any misconception.

Sohini: Oye just kidding.I love to see you get angry *prolonged-smile*

Me: Ok,now quickly pay the bill and lets get out of this place.

As we were about to move out,Sohini spotted one of her aunts.She has got the habit of maintaining a bunch of aunts.This one was Rita aunt.

Sohini: Aunty! How are you *hugs*.

Aunty:I am fine baby.I guess you came for buying gifts for Rohit.

Sohini: Yes *blush*.So what are you doing here aunty?

Aunty: I too came for the same purpose.

Sohini: Ok.Meet Arun,my friend.

Aunty: Hi Arun.

Me:(Finally i got the chance to break my silence) Hi.

Sohini: Ok aunty you carry on with your shopping.We should leave now.

Aunty: Ok baby,God bless you.

I was feeling very hungry.So i asked Sohini to check in inside Cafe Coffee Day.We ordered a pizza,one chicken roll and coke for each.As we were having our snacks,i asked Sohini.

Me:Your Rita aunt looks sexy,and she is romantic too i guess.

Sohini: Yes,she must be.But one thing i cant figure out yet.

Me: What is that?

Sohini: Uncle died five years back,so now she is buying valentine's gift for whom? *big question mark*

Me: Must be for her boy-friend,simple*smile*.Poor uncle,he must be an impotent when alive,now getting jealous from Heaven.

Sohini: Stop it!

Me: Why should i stop?When your aunt can have an affair after her husband's death,then i can also speak what i wish to.You girls are all the same,can change colors like a chameleon.

Just when we were about to take our argument to the next level,Sohini spotted her aunt coming towards her,and requested me to put a smile on my face.I didn't had much options.

Aunty: Hi again,if you don't mind can i join you people?

Sohini: Yes of course,we would love your companion(when mentioning "we",Sohini didn't bother to take my consent *sigh*).

My mind was still lingering with the fact that the aunty was having affair after the death of her husband,and i could not digest this fact.So,i thought of asking her deliberately.

Me: Aunty,it's great to see that inspite of your age,you didn't lost the passion to buy gift for your valentine.Really love doesn't have any age bar.Uncle is indeed a very lucky person to have you.

Aunty: Don't know about uncle,but i was very lucky to have him as my soul mate.

Me: was?

Aunty: Yes,he left me and went to Heaven 5 years back,Sohini must have told you that.

Me: Not exactly,i didn't asked her.

Aunty: Oh! I see.

Me: If you don't mind,may i ask you for whom you are buying this gift(Sohini gave me a *WaitIWillSeeYouOutside* look).
Aunty: Of-course for your uncle.Every year on Valentine's Day i buy gift for him,and keep it on his shelve.

Me: Oh! so sweet.Doesn't get to see such kind of platonic love these days.Please tell us something more about uncle.

Aunty:Ok,i wont say all the good qualities which he had in plenty.Rather let me tell you some of the funniest thing which he used to do,that brings smile to my face even today.

Me:That will be nice.

Aunty: Let me tell you something about the way i spent my night with him at bed.

Both me and Sohini looked at each other awestuck.

Aunty: After a day of hard work,when i get to my bed at night,the night used to start with the thundering sounds of his snoring.Even my morning was not any different."Ghorrrrrrr Ghorrrrr","Phusssssssss Phussssss",all these sounds had become the part and parcel of my life.Even if i pushed him in between,he used to stop snoring momentarily,but after some pause,it used to play again "Ghorrrr Phusss".The irritating part was when i used to tell him in the morning about his snoring effects,and he was like "snoring"?Who me?No way?Trust me i felt like breaking Atul's nose every morning.

Sohini: That was really sweet.

Aunty: I am not yet done.As if the snoring wasn't enough to irritate me,here came his bombardment of farts.Some loud "pooooooooo",some with a silencer attached "phissssss",both versions had its own effect.

Sohini: Hehehe,* busted in laughter*

Aunty: He used to do bombardment anytime and anywhere,and sometime it was really embarrassing for me,specially when we were in midst of some group of people.I used to tell him repeatedly "Please control your farts when in gatherings".And atul with his pure and honest smile used to reply "Yeh dil mange more".

Both me and Sohini were loving the conversation,getting totally involved.As i took another sip of my coke,aunty continued.....

All the things which used to be a cause of irritation and embarrassment for me initially,became the sign of relief during the last days of his life.His illness made him bed ridden.And in the midst of the night when i could hear my Atul snoring or farting,i used to get relieved that he is still alive.But deep inside i knew that this snoring is not as same as before,and its not gonna last for long.

And again at times just to make Atul smile,i used to make fun of his farting when he was in hospital.I used to tease him by saying "Please dont fart in the hospital,or else the doctors will get faint and they will need to be treated first."And Atul with a semi smile on his cheek used to say "Yeh dil still mange more.But the body wants no more".I could realise the suffering he was going through.And in one grave night my Atul stopped snoring,and i could sense what's coming next.He met an end which he surely didn't deserved.

Me and Sohini were heavily moved.I saw a tiny drop of tear rolling down the right cheek of the aunt.Sohini hold her hand and wiped her tears.I didn't had any idea about what to say at that moment.So,i decided to keep my crappy mouth shut.The aunt after taking some deep breath,started again...

Aunty: Listen kids,life is all about these little mistakes and imperfections.At the end of your life,these silly moments will help to bring back the smile on your face,however torrid your situation is.So don't afraid to make mistakes.Take risk,follow your heart and don't run after perfection.Its boring.Life is at its best when there is uncertainty.Because the joy of uncertainty test your real character.

"Search for your soul-mate who is as imperfect as you are and see how life turns perfectly beautiful with all your flaws and imperfections."

With these words Rita Aunt bid adieu to us,and left me thinking into the fact that there are something in life which needs to be celebrated,and love is surely one of them.I decided once and forever to celebrate Valentine's Day from now on.

Saturday Shiver

Some people call it "Weekend",some radio stations call it "Saturday Night Fever".But right at this moment i can relate myself only to End & Fever.Saturday brings havoc to me more often than not.May be it has gt something to do with my numerological number 8,whose ruling planet is the deadly Saturn.According to numerology sorrow,suffering & failure go hand in hand with number 8 people.Though i give a damn to these bullshits,but today i feel may be its not all that crap.As i turn right in my bed,i realized that another drop of tear rolling down my ugly pimple on the left cheek finally faded into my newly grown beard.I know guys look horrible when they cry,& i will surely top that list.But today i simply cant stop myself.Its the micro-mini version of Tsunami that is going on inside my heart.I hate myself for being an emotional fool.It really hurts.
Sometimes back i heard somewhere that Time & Music are the best healer of pain & sorrow.Time for now has surely dumped me,so its the 2nd option which i have to rely on i.e. Music.I took out my new Samsung Galaxy 5 & plugged in the earphone & started tuning on to the radio stations.
A sexy hypnotic voice broke the temporary deafness of my ears."This is 93.5 Red Fm,Its hot".Dont know about the radio station but the figure which bore that vocal chord must be very hot.The voice continued "Hi i am Shruti,& you are listening to your favorite show Dard-e-Dil."I was already in dard,so didnt like the concept of burdening my heart with more pain.I went to the freezer & brought out a beer.They say beer helps you to forget the dear.So i thought of giving it a try.But today nothing seem to be working.I soon shifted my radio station & this time it was 98.3 Radio Mirchi.Love guru program was going on.So i thought i may also find some solution to my over complicated love life.A guy named Rakesh,who was happen to be the Love Guru,was trying to solve the love related problems of others,or rather i should say was trying to keep his composure to some of the stupid questions on earth.
Caller 1:-Hi love guru,this is Ajay from Hyderabad.Recently my Gf is showing more interest in her new puppy rather than me.Even if i am around her,she pampers her puppy & not me.I really feel insecure,please help love guru.The love guru keeping his cool gave him some fruitful advice.Ajay was so excited & happy,just like America would be to know about Osama Bin Laden.
As if this torture wasnot enough,here came the 2nd call.This time it was a female voice,so my interest increased by many folds.
Caller 2: Hi love guru this is Nisha from Mumbai.My Bf loves me very much.He never said no to me for anything.But last Monday,when i asked him to wear a Red shirt at his office,as it is Astrologically good for him,but he simply refused to me.It was so painful.I am worried that he is trying to dominate me now.Please help me love guru.
I said to myself "Neha you are lucky that your Bf only refused.I would have simply bite your neck till blood came out,& painted my shirt red with your blood,huhhh".I thought i was sounding more like a vampire these days.But yes,i have heard somewhere that people become Vampire if there true love fails.So may be now it was my time to become a vampire.

But i really felt pity for that poor fellow Rakesh,who is happen to be the love guru.In India its better to be the President than the Love Guru.With this i completed my bottle of beer,and as u all know emotions just flows when you are drunk.I was feeling horribly terrible from inside.I badly needed to express my emotions,cant suppress them for long.

So,finally i took my Diary & was about to start writing,but this time the Love Guru played one of my all time favorite song-

"Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you"

I felt like kissing the love guru on his cheeks,and turn into a gay.It will be a better solution i thought.After listening to that great number,tears started to fall again,& this time it was pouring heavily.It would have surely overshadowed the Mumbai monsoon.Everything was getting hazy in front of my eyes.But somehow i was able to get hold of my pen,& started to write down.My story needs to be told.At least these white pages will understand the purity of my heart.As i wrote the first alphabet " A" into my diary,a big drop of tear fell into the page.But this time i was determined,there was no looking back.I completed writing the first word.And it was none other than the word which used to fasten my heartbeats since i was a kid.It was the word "APARAJITA" my love.

WAR ON TERROR

It really boils my blood to see the mayhem that is occuring in many parts of INDIA,& this time in Mumbai.So much of innocent lives lost in mumbai,& that too due to our system's negligence & also lack of proper co-ordination.Its really sad to know that the intelligence bureau had warned of this unprecedented attack in mumbai back in september 2008,then again on 18th nov 2008,& finally 24 hrs before the attack,which were all neglected & ingored.Again the way some of our so called political leaders reacted or given some careless statements were shocking,like Mr.R.R.Patil said "Aise bare bare sehro mein aisa hota hai" & the CM of Kerela Mr.achuthanandan said "If Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan had not been a martyr even a dog would not have visited his house",what these politicians think of themselves,they will say & do whatever they like & can escape?How can a CM insult a martyr who laid down his life saving & rescuing others like this?Actually i wont blame politicians only,its our bearable attitude that gives liberty to them for speaking & doing nonsense.We have been bearing since time immemorial,& i think we are used to it nw.We as a citizen of India pay taxes,some part of that should be used for providing effective & efficient security to us,its not just for providing Z category security for the politicians only & if they cant give us proper security then we should stop/reduce paying taxes.So its high time nw,we should wake up & get conscious of our rights as a citizen & stop bearing anymore,& make the politicians answerable for their deeds,so that in the near future no innocent lives get lost due to ignorance & failure of the system,so that every politician thinks 1000 times before insulting a martyr,so that every politician keep in mind that they are duty bound towards the citizen which chooses them & act accordingly.Lets make sure that from now onwards politicians cant escape their duties & responsibilities towards its citizen.Lets not waste the lives of the brave martyrs & also those who showed bravery & helped save many lives during 26/11 & also in the prior attacks in many other cities.I salute all of them.JAI HIND.